Dishonor
by emerelddreams
Summary: What happens when the object Sesshoumaru desires most delivers him to Kagome, a ningen he hates? I say he'll find satisfaction, but not before he looses his control, his honor, and all that he desires. Kagome? Oh, she's got her work cut out for her.RateM
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Inu Yasha, Kagome, Sesshoumaru, Sango, Miroku, Rin, Shippou, Souta, Mrs. Higurashi, Kouga, Naraku, Kanna, or Kagura…. must I continue?

**AN: **Enjoy!

Dishonor

Ch. 1 Control

Sesshoumaru smiled, a slow smug curl of lips. He had found it. Here, among his father's dust covered journals, favored books, poems, and musings. Sesshoumaru's eyes glittered in the dark chamber that had been Lord Taisho's room. The smile on his face grew, a grotesque sneer that promised pain. For he had found it- the scroll, in Taisho's own hand, that would allow him to wield the Tetsaiga, and kill his weak-willed excuse for a sibling.

Sesshoumaru smirked at the newly discovered seal. So his dear father thought he could restrict knowledge from this Sesshoumaru? If he had been capable, Sesshoumaru might have laughed, a dark-humored bark of sound, almost a snort, a laugh meant to tell his father and the seal, "as if."

Sesshoumaru studied the scroll with a bored fascination. It was no wonder he hadn't taken notice of the parchment before. It had no unique markings, nothing special about it that would distinguish it from the dozens of other useless scrolls that cluttered the dark and dusty bedchamber. Though he harbored a festering anger for his father, Sesshoumaru respected the wise and powerful leader that had bequeathed to him the Western realm. It was very much like Lord Taisho, always hiding what Sesshoumaru sought most to find. First the black pearl in Inu Yasha's eye, and now the scroll that would give him the knowledge to wield the Tetsaiga without borrowed arms or tainted jewels. Sesshoumaru scowled, his eyes darkening with anger. Taisho had purposely placed the scroll here. Sesshoumaru found this place disgusting. The room where Taisho had bedded that human slut Inu Yasha's mother. To place the scroll here among love letters and the 'congratulations' letters Taisho had received when Inu Yasha was born- Sesshoumaru growled softly, locking the sound away in his throat and the anger with it. It didn't matter what Lord Taisho had done. In the end his father had failed, for Sesshoumaru had found what he was looking for.

Sesshoumaru's lips reformed their smug smile, he would claim the Tetsaiga, and kill Inu Yasha. Then, and only then, would Sesshoumaru complete the revenge he had designated his father's. Sesshoumaru's dark smile vanished and his lips took up their position in the cold mask. He would destroy his father's precious Inu Yasha, and strip from him the gifts their father had bestowed on him. He would see Taisho's soul suffer the way his mother's had when her love was cast aside. He would condemn his father's accomplishments, and with that defeat, he would destroy the respect that was forming for his father.

With cold eyes, Sesshoumaru slid sharpened nails beneath the sealing wax that held the parchment closed. Sesshoumaru paused, a feeling not unlike a shiver traveling down his spine. Sesshoumaru's lips lifted smugly once more. The after-effects of breaking his father's seal were pathetic at best. He uncurled the parchment slowly. A few seconds made no difference after a couple hundred years. Sesshoumaru's eyes greedily watched as his pale, slender fingers spread open the parchment.

The growl that ripped from Sesshoumaru's mouth shook the walls and raised the formerly dormant dust particles to dance in the air. Servants who had been in the hall scattered, masking their scents and hiding.

Sesshoumaru shuddered in rage, the blank parchment fisted in his hand. Another dead end, another false lead. Sesshoumaru's aura hummed fiercely as he recalled all the false leads and dead ends he had met searching for the black pearl. Once more Sesshoumaru sneered. He had found the black pearl, and he would master the Tetsaiga. The demon Lord's cold façade descended upon his features as he waited for his demon blood to cool.

And waited. And waited.

Sesshoumaru marveled at his lack of control. The growl that had been the parchments welcoming had come unbidden. Now, Sesshoumaru rotated his neck, feeling the strain of tense muscles all down his back, aching to change form. A snarl came to Sesshoumaru's mouth, and a shudder. Sesshoumaru almost awed at the red crimson glow sliding across his vision. Sesshoumaru's thoughts came slow. Recognition of his anger coupled with his frustration that the rage in his blood would not be quelled… Sesshoumaru allowed himself a rare moment of confusion. Where was his control? Then his eyes bled true, and he accepted his inner-demon's call. He would feed, and he would be satisfied.

This is a short first chapter to give readers an idea of what will be coming. The fact that the plot is entirely unknown? Oh well. It's more like a 'see if you like it so far' type thing.


	2. Ch 2 She Would Do

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Disclaimer: I don't own Sesshoumaru, Kagome, Inu Yasha & Co., or anyone else.

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Dishonor

Ch. 2 She Would Do

Kagome smiled, shading her eyes from the sun as she surveyed the view before her. It had taken her three whole days to reach this place- a meadow more than 43 miles from the village. Her stay here would be for meditation, and provide an escape from the day to day routine that had begun consuming her life. Inu Yasha had suggested it, surprisingly, having discovered the field of flowers himself.

The clearing was small, but its surroundings were what Kagome had come for. She could see the purple headed mountains towering behind soft green foot hills, the moss covered stones protruding from the ground like thrones for the contented, and the trickling stream that opened its arms to her, welcoming and beckoning.

Kagome sighed happily, shoving her hair from her face and readjusting the strap on her shoulder. The sun was just slipping below the horizon. If she hurried, she could make camp and start dinner before darkness shadowed the grove. Her plans settled, Kagome left the wooded edges of her haven, a smile on her face.

Twenty minutes later, Kagome plopped down in front of her jade green, two-person tent. Tentatively studying the propane gas can, Kagome set up her camp stove and put a pot of water on to boil. Sighing happily, Kagome reclined on her back, readjusting slightly and clasping her hands behind her head. She watched the last of the sun's descent, marveling at the tie-die pattern spreading across the mountains. So intent was she on seeing the sky's first night star, that Kagome boiled off most of her water. She laughed softly, like wind chimes on a sunny day. It didn't matter, ramen was on the menu tonight anyway.

Dumping a package of ramen into the pot, Kagome rose to her knees, popped her head into the tent, and began rifling around in her bag. A few moments later, Kagome placed the plastic bowl down with a flourish. Grinning in victory Kagome pronounced, "and Kagome wins! against the black hole in the yellow pack!" She laughed, feeling light-headed and content. Kagome sent a silent thanks to Inu Yasha. This trip was turning out to be exactly what she needed- a distraction.

The last battle had been gruesome. Inu Yasha had been knocked unconscious while Miroku and Sango had lain prone and bleeding on the ground. Kagome had stood motionless, unable to help, the magic within her body crashing like waves against her skull. When she awoke, Kagome had found herself back in Kaede's hut, Inu Yasha huddled by her side.

Kagome sighed softly, casting her eyes upward towards the horizon and the village. 'Inu Yasha…'

Kagome quickly dispelled her thoughts. Though initially pleasant, thinking of Inu Yasha lead back to the battle, back to the battle and her helplessness at the pounding burn in her head.

Resolved to relax once more, Kagome scarfed down her ramen, located her bathing supplies and super-sized fluffy towel, and trekked down to the stream.

Kagome hesitated at the stream's edge, sidetracked. For a few moments, Kagome absorbed the beauty and innocence of the spot. The moon hung low in the sky, the evening stars floating. Rushing water from upstream came lazily around the corner to fill the small lagoon. Large rock outcroppings could be seen on the far shore, the water beneath them glimmering.

A grin spread across Kagome's face. With thoughts of exploration, and a desire for finding an underwater cave, Kagome undressed and plunged into the water.

"AH! OH Oh oh!! Cold!" Kagome yelped.

A low masculine chuckle wafted to Kagome's senses. Startled, Kagome began looking about frantically. In remembrance of her nakedness, a healthy blush darkened her features. In a slight panic, Kagome called out, "look! Whoever you are! Just- just turn around so I can-can…"

Kagome stuttered to a halt, her eyes wide. "Sesshoumaru…" The name fell from her lips in astonished horror.

The demon lord stood, tall and regal and beautiful, bathed in his aura and glowing beneath the moon's rays. His hair rose gently, lifted and swirled outward, twisting and curling, only to find rest once more against his back.

Kagome quickly noticed that the lord's armor and traditional outer kimono were missing, as it bared Sesshoumaru to her trapped gaze. His skin was dark ivory, smooth and flawless. His shoulders, arms, and stomach were tight, corded with muscle and tense. Kagome's eyes traveled from Sesshoumaru's broad shoulders to his slightly tapered waist and back up to his golden-red eyes.

'Wait! Red?' Kagome's eyes cleared. If his eyes were red…, then his beast was in control? …had he been in a battle? Was he hurt?, is that why he was dressed so informally?'

Spurred by the deep rooted compassion Kagome felt for all things, Kagome approached Sesshoumaru. She was half out of the water when her modesty caught up with her heart. With a blush adorning her shocked face, Kagome ducked beneath the water's surface.

"Are-… are you okay?" Kagome asked after a moment, still genuinely concerned.

Sesshoumaru stood watching her. His eyes had never left her form. From the moment she had entered the clearing just before dusk 'til now. His eyes had felt her skin, brushed along every curve of her naked body. Now, his eyes bore into her.

She would do.

Kagome watched as Sesshoumaru turned his head slightly, and began moving toward the water's edge. Her eyes widened when his fingers slid beneath the waist of his pants and pulled the material from his body.

'God! he's undressing!" Her face ruddy, Kagome dove beneath the surface and swam towards the far shore.

'Ugh! Stupid, stupid, Kagome! Why would he talk to you? Huh? No, he's too busy being a royal pain.' Kagome mentally sighed as she broke the surface to draw a breath. 'Did you honestly think he would answer you?' Kagome glanced quickly toward the shore, then searched the water with her gaze. Sesshoumaru was nowhere to be seen. Kagome blinked in surprise, but shrugged. 'He probably went further downstream. Wouldn't want to bathe near a human,' Kagome added heatedly.

Then she shrugged. 'Better he left me be.'

Content and feeling safe with the knowledge that Sesshoumaru hadn't shown an intent to harm her, Kagome sunk once more into the water, reveling in the feel of it. Her hair fanned out, her eyes closed, and she screamed.

Choking and gasping, Kagome threw her head into the air, sucking in oxygen and releasing water. Her nose ran, her eyes burned, and her skin prickled with fear. Slowly, Kagome turned to face that which had startled her.

Sesshoumaru watched, somewhat amused, as Kagome turned to look at him. He saw the fright in her eyes, and delighted in it. The heat that had been tearing at his control became scalding as it shot down to his loins. He needed to finish this.

"The Lady is cold. Shall I warm her?"

Kagome trembled as the velvet warmth of Sesshoumaru assaulted her. His scent, truly male, filled her. His voice, low and smooth, demanded that she acknowledge her needs. Her needs? Kagome jerked back. "Wha- what are you doing to me?"

Breathing hard, Kagome tried to banish the heat pouring into her.

Sesshoumaru advanced a step, smirking as Kagome backed into a large rock. "Allow me to help you." And determined to do so, Sesshoumaru slammed his body against her, fisted his hands with her, and covered her lips with his own.

Well then, the next ch. will probably contain a lemon. Or I could jump ahead. Uh, lets just say that Sess is a jerk. But he'll get over it, I'm thinking.

For anyone who hasn't worked it out,… Sess is going to rape Kag. Yes, they'll eventually get together, but if you don't like that kind of thing, or want to skip the ch. ….? Choice is yours, just don't want upset/shocked readers.

I'd like to thank my reviewers. Thank you…

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Captain Wolf Paw- I enjoyed the spirit of your review. Thanks.

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azn-modern-miko - well, we couldn't have Sesshoumaru meet anyone else, now could we? I hope you enjoyed.

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Little Krissi - well, I'm hoping to keep going, lol. I hope you enjoyed the ch..

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Irulanna - I hope I kept that flow. Still intrigued? I hope you're still looking forward to more.

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Skitzoflame- I hope you still like it. I'll keep writing.

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Lyn - I'll keep writing. Let me know what you think.

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chat cheval - I hope it's interesting,…. Maybe a little more? I hope you like it. Happy reading!

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Anonymous- I stayed with your standards I hope? I'm very glad you enjoyed the first ch.. Please continue to.


	3. Ch 3 Purification

**AN: **Just to put it out there, I realize that it's not realistic for a rape victim to fall in love with the rapist. And beyond that, I don't condone such a retched, horrible, disgusting occurrence. However, Kagome is as I make her for this story, and Sesshoumaru as well. I can be as unrealistic, and sick, as I feel like being.

The reason for that blurb is a review I got in response to last ch.. I'm glad I got the review, it's important for readers to be able to say when they don't like the story, but it shook me up a little, and so…. to make myself feel better :cough: I decided to rebut it- even though it's a weak rebuttal.

**If you are underage, GO AWAY! This story contains violence and sexual situations.**

**AN:** another thing….. I'm going to ignore a couple of commas. It won't make reading more difficult I don't think. My sentences are long, and to put commas between adjectives and between phrases might get ….. interesting.

**Disclaimer: **….. ditto?

Dishonor

Ch. 3 Purification

He nipped at her lips, delved with his tongue, and conquered with his hands. His mouth left hers in favor of tasting elsewhere. His heated gaze preceded his hands, trailing over his prey's flushed skin.

He lessened the pressure of his hands, beginning instead to stroke with whispering intensity. He slid his tongue along her collar bone before nipping lightly. He secured his hands on Kagome's hips and reeled her in, and as he settled her against him, raised his head to look at her.

His prey stood tall, its back rigid, and its face slack.

Kagome hovered at the edge of awareness. Her eye lids hung heavy, and her head lay tilted back, like that of someone dead or unconscious. She knew, with some strange certainty, that only a moment ago she had felt threatened and scared, but now…? Confused, Kagome thrust away the dark fog inside her head, straining to sense what it was she knew was going to hurt her. Hands. There were hands on her. Wet. Cold. She was cold? No, the hands were warm, and there was heat forming low within her being. Perception warped, and Kagome forgot the moment of fuzzy comprehension, too appalled with her apparent compliance as well as Sesshoumaru's advances to care. Vibrant furry lit up in open blue eyes.

Sesshoumaru's crimson orbs gleamed in amusement, his lips begging permission to sneer. So his prey was angry was she? He would teach her to put that anger to good use… eventually.

Kagome place her hands on Sesshoumaru's chest and shoved. She put her whole body into it, taking advantage of his off balance stance. Sesshoumaru took a step back (on purpose of course) and, eyes glittering, smirked.

"Not cold anymore, I see."

Kagome glared at Sesshoumaru, backed away slightly, and began edging around the boulder. Keeping her sights on Sesshoumaru, Kagome moved slowly for shore. She didn't miss the growing excitement in his eyes and she had to order herself not to panic and run. His beast was in control. A death or hunt, would be just as satisfactory as a-a-a… what he was doing.

Kagome trembled slightly and promptly stubbed her toe on a rock. Wincing and gritting her teeth against the pain, Kagome shoved a finger in Sesshoumaru's direction, "you stay right there." Fixing a glare at the unresponsive Lord, Kagome kicked her feet up and began a furious backstroke. Her legs and arms fueled her through the water while her gaze stayed unwavering on Sesshoumaru, as though to stare him into obedience and tameness.

At the precise instant that Sesshoumaru started through the water, Kagome's head hit sand and a pulse of purple ki exploded behind her eyes.

The world spun.

Kagome could feel in obtrusive clarity the grating of sand on skin, the icy prickle of water, and a tingling spreading warmth where Sesshoumaru had touched her. Every stride that Sesshoumaru took sent the sound of water rushing through Kagome's hearing so that she knew with every impulse fired off from ear to brain that the water had betrayed her once more in allowing Sesshoumaru closer. Her lips, her pitiable abused lips, clung swollen and red to a mouth that was lost, frozen to a moment in which it had been devoured in warm spice. Kagome swam in red, let it glide over her skin, slip odorless past her face, until in pooled in her head and dissolved all else. Red. Pounding, pulsing, living red. Kagome watched her blood course through her, driven from her heart in ever increasing throbs, until, without consent or understanding, her hand leapt toward the flowing stream. Purple ink bled from her pale slender fingertips and swallowed the fleshy cells- leaving naught, but snowy ash.

Kagome whimpered in dawning realization. The miko powers she had been gifted with at birth were killing her. Having learned what she was meant to, Kagome felt herself roll- turn out into new, slick skin. Cast from the suffocating aura of her struggling soul, Kagome reached for her bearings, and her gaze, still engaged at present in its waltz with death, found Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru sat straddling his prey, contemplating. Languidly, he stretched out across her body and, contrary to his nature, gently took her breast into his mouth. His tongue swirled over her while his hands roamed as feather soft touches that left bruising trails of heat. Nipping the erect nipple, Sesshoumaru freed his mouth and turned his attention once more to Kagome herself. 'Good. She's paying attention now.'

Kagome's eyes widened. The way Sesshoumaru had just looked at her, his eyes cold and calculating even as his lips laughed at her… Kagome started trembling. Her mind reeled, caught between an instinct of self preservation and mortification. The bile at the back of her mouth had come forth unnoticed, and her head felt trapped in a ever tightening vice. Her pulse hammered though her, so that she ached with the force of it. The heat spreading in her body was searing, unbearable, and not of Sesshoumaru's doing. Kagome decided then, that she could empathize with any demon who, due to being subjected to purification, hated mikos. She felt that she could even justify the murders of her kind on this holy torture. Pain is a powerful tool when wielded to help one come to an understanding, and, as Kagome was purifying herself, she had quite the understanding.

The recognition of mortal pain came slow, and blinking, Kagome resurfaced from her mind. Blood was oozing in steady streams from her stomach- or the remains of it. Kagome saw herself in a numb, detached state, ironically she felt, the way Sesshoumaru looked at things, separate and indifferent. The ribbons of skin peeled from her body had been viciously taken, without thought or premeditation. In a slight state of awe, Kagome came to the conclusion that this man was not the Lord of the Western Lands. It wasn't Sesshoumaru, who was incapable of action without thought. No, he was the type that pondered his choices, weighed his options. Sesshoumaru would have caused more pain and let less blood. This -thing- on top of her was a lust driven, base-instinct driven beast. The thought that this creature lurked within the recesses of Sesshoumaru's soul was what frightened her. There would be no reasoning, no struggling. This would happen, was already happening. Kagome had the sudden urge to cry.

Sesshoumaru inhaled deeply.

Blood. A rush of hot metallic glory. A lust driven beast gave way to an enlightened youkai, and Sesshoumaru, our calm, stoic Lord, ceased to be. Youkai and beast clashed, melded, and ripped free from each other. Crimson eyes, already filled with lust, allowed for hunger of a different sort, a hunger that fed on and caused pain.

Far away, in a shadowed, slimy, prison of a place, Sesshoumaru struggled in vain to free himself. Exhausted, and knowing that to fight with himself would only hurt the girl more, Sesshoumaru succumbed a second time to the instincts he had so long ago repressed.

Whew! Another chapter finished :toots a whistle and throws confetti: Well, the lemon isn't quite here yet. To be quite honest, I do believe I'm avoiding writing it. Oh well.

**I love, adore, and worship these people!**

**Skitzoflame**- very possible that Kagome is slow, but I'm attempting to sketch her as compassionate and innocent. In that, there is a lot of room for being slow.

**sakura tenshi.AnGeL oF lOvE- **LOL. I'm not sure I ever considered this story kawaii, but Thank You from the hub of my heart.

**Yo**- Thanks for reviewing. I updated (pat on the back for me). Please Enjoy!

**Lizzie**- Ah. The best cliff-hangers are those that the author has nothing to say after. Hence, it's as much a mystery to the author as to the reader, as to how the story will proceed. In truth, I don't much like cliff-hangers either.

**Gopher2806**- Yes, for the plot to get where I want it, Sesshoumaru is going to rape Kagome. The rape itself will be, how did you put it- full of torment- yes, but as much because Sesshoumaru is hurting her as because her powers are way outta wack. Kagome will not be immune to a bit of unstableness. Continue to enjoy!

**Don't-Touch-My-Sesshy-** Terrific sn! A girl (or boy as it might be) after my own heart! Thank You!

**azn-modern-miko**- Dishonor is loss of honor, respect, or reputation, or (put another way) a state of shame or disgrace. I'm glad you liked the last chapter, and I hope you liked this one as well.

**Shamroc**- Heheh. I've updated. Sorry it wasn't faster. :curtsies: Please enjoy the 'show'

**this-chicka14**- I do sincerely hope you still think my story good. I'll update again sort of soon.

**Lyn**- I wrote more, I wrote more:gets down on the ground to grovel: don't hurt me?

**BlackAngelBlood**- I didn't mean to make you cry, but regardless, don't glare at me:peeks from behind chair: because- because it frightens me! Yah. I ended it again didn't I? Ah Well. You'll forgive me or you won't… forgive me!

**Whimsy007-** as I highly doubt you've continued to read this story, I can scarce but hope you'll read this- my sincere thanks for your review. It startled me, and upset me greatly, and I respect you for the response. Please don't be disgusted by my respect, merely know that you have it, though it probably counts closer to and insult that a complement in your eyes.

**White Tiger Princess **- I'm loathe to admit I'm curious as to how I'm going to do the next couple of chapters myself. All the same, I wish you happy readings. Please enjoy!

**Jess**- I hope I manage to keep Sesshoumaru to your liking. I think I'm going to be struggling a little down the road. I too want to keep him a little darker, but if he's too dark then the plot will go down the drain, so to speak. Please review and let me know what you think of Sess's characterization down the road! Enjoy.

**Captain Wolf Paw**- Thank you very much:shakes your hand enthusiastically: Ah! Wise reader! It does indeed hurt to think- though, must we think sometimes?

**Kagamoesiun**- I'm glad you like it, and I hope you have continued to.

**Akeno-Chan**- If you are not a frequenter of but want to read a terrific story, then I suggest 'Ever Unforgiven'. It's glorious, and will leave my story very much in the dust.


	4. Ch 4 The Beginnings of Pain

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Disclaimer: I don't own Sesshoumaru or Kagome or Inu Yasha.

Last time: This -thing- on top of her was a lust driven, base-instinct driven beast. There would be no reasoning, no struggling. This would happen, was already happening. Kagome had the sudden urge to cry.

Blood. A rush of hot metallic glory.

Exhausted, and knowing that to fight with himself would only hurt the girl more, Sesshoumaru succumbed a second time to the instincts he had so long ago repressed.

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Dishonor

Ch. 4 The Beginnings of Pain

Kagome swallowed hard and looked past dry eyes to Sesshoumaru. His face was running crimson -her blood- but his eyes were on her. Those terrible red globes were watching her. The whimper passed her lips unnoticed.

Sesshoumaru tolerated the show of pleasure on his face. Curled lips parted and hatred bread itself in laughter. Hernan Cortes's wicked glee at crushing the Aztecs couldn't counter Sesshoumaru's smug countenance. Still laughing, he outlined the torn flesh with clawed precision. Really, didn't she realize the fun was just beginning?

Inu Yasha leaned into the rough bark of the Goshinboku. Relieving the impulse to scratch behind his ear, he kicked his leg off the branch a preceded to swing his foot back and forth, back and forth… back and forth. Kagome had needed the time. He had accepted that. It would be good for Kagome to stand on her own for a week or so. He knew she could take care of herself… sort of. She just needed to believe it herself. Her aim with the bow had improved and Kami knew she was a formidable adversary when threatened or frightened. Inu Yasha sighed. He missed her. They all did. He sighed once more, pillowing his head in the crook of his arm as he looked up. Kagome would be back soon. They would be together and everything would be right again. She could take care of herself. Therefore, Inu Yasha argued with himself, there was no reason to worry. If he came running up there now, it would destroy any confidence she might have gained in her solitude. She had made it clear that she needed time away from him just long enough to gain a firm hold on who she was. Then, she would come back and finish the hunt for the shards. Inu Yasha closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She was going to come back. Kagome was not leaving him. She would come back. Holding that thought close, he leapt from his perch and returned to his temporary resting place- Kagome's vacant spot.

Kagome lay in silence, her hand fisted in Sesshoumaru's hair, eyes closed, and followed every move of Sesshoumaru's mouth. He had licked his way up her stomach, taking into his mouth most of the blood that had poured from his inflicted wound. His teeth were sharp as he grazed his way over the mound of her breast to her shoulder and up along the oh so tender skin of her neck. The first nip came so softly, Kagome screamed from naïve surprise. Before that scream could expel her breath however, Kagome had been rendered silent. The pain that issued from her came from an open mouth in silence. Her hand convulsed and she jerked Sesshoumaru's head from it's grip on her vocal chords. Choking on her own blood, Kagome vented her pain in a strained and strangled cry. Sucking in a ragged breath, she franticly put her hands to her neck. She was moving away from him without thought, scooting back and pushing with her legs. Her eyes were wild and her hands swung everywhere without ever leaving her side. She swallowed blood and let the tears run. "Inu…. Mother!" She realized that the plea was echoing inside her head, silent to everyone but herself. She wanted to go home, to be back at Kaede's hut with the gang. It couldn't be real. She would wake up in her sleeping bag, Inu Yasha glaring down at her and she would blabber to him about how awful it had been and he would hold her. Shippou would cuddle against her and Sango- "Ah!" Kagome whimpered past the pain and looked past her desired escape to an enraged and feral youkai lord.

"Sesshoumaru! Please, please stop! Please!" She struggled against his hands, tried to wriggle from his grasp. "You're killing me-" She whimpered as he secured her beneath him and raked her nails down his face. For one glorious moment, as the red path her nails left seared purple across Sesshoumaru's cheek, Kagome thought it was over. Then, her ki failed to do him any damage and Kagome despaired, closing her eyes to what was taking place and opening them to a realm beneath her soul, a realm in which she deserved everything she got.

Sesshoumaru snarled. Very slowly, he released his hold on his prey and ran a fingertip along his cheek. That had hurt. Lips curled and Sesshoumaru once more lowered his body to lay atop his prey's. The pain had proved quite arousing. A shame, he had planned to see her in pain before he took her. She would just have to make up for rushing him. The smile grew to include teeth and teeth spread to allow passage of an eager tongue across thin lips. He nicked his tongue on his canine and taking his prey's mouth, forced his blood down the back of her throat. Her eyes came wide as she choked, and as she gagged helplessly beneath him, he spread her legs wide and sheathed himself.

Pain. Oh Kami the pain. Kagome felt her muscles clench and willed herself to relax. She told herself to breath past it and could no longer remember that Sesshoumaru's blood sealed her throat. She found breath to scream as he left her opening and doubled the scream's intensity as he reentered. Blind with the pain, she bucked, crying out as he ripped his way deeper within her. It hurt. She couldn't get past that. It hurt. The pain wasn't easing, and she couldn't get use to it. She wasn't numbing, she was feeling the height of every nerve ending in her body.

Sesshoumaru dug his nails into his prey's thighs and thrust again. She was tight, and scalding. He wasn't even aware of the smirk on his face, too eager in his attempts to deepen his penetration. She was no longer pure. She was his- His to bleed, his to fuck, his to kill. He ripped past her final barrier and sunk his full length into the bloody mess he had prepared for it. Howling, he retracted and bucking, forced his length once more to its extent inside her. Feeling himself swell, he sank teeth into her shoulder and released his sperm into the flesh of his prey. Nearly satisfied, he dragged his teeth down his prey's shoulder and into the meat of its breast. Freeing his mouth and his penis simultaneously, he stood, and sneering, walked from his meal's broken body.

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Well, that took a long time… sorry. I just really wasn't looking forward to writing that and avoided it for, well, a really loooong time.

KouseiJL- Whoever you are, I love you. That is the longest review I've ever gotten. Besides that, thank you for actually telling me what you like about my story, instead of just 'I like it.' Kagome's power's are definitely an important part of Kagome, though they'll probably not be forefront in my story. Hehe! Let's hear it for Sesshoumaru! Well, yes, our Sesshoumaru isn't as perfect as he would like to be. :;grin:. He has a long way to go. I realize you said you didn't mind waiting, still, I'm sorry it took so long. I hope you consider it a good chapter.

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Inuyashanametolong- good to have you aboard. Enjoy!

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Jess- There is no way, that you will ever get Sessoumaru away from me. So there. Oh, and I hope you liked the lemon. Lord, you know, I think that was my first? Ha! I'm christened.

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sesshys-punk-gurl- sorry it wasn't a quick update. I hope you enjoyed it though!

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Vumpler- Well, that's the continuation. Still a bit of an abrupt ending, but it had a little more resolution. The purification explanation will be forthcoming.

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azn-modern-miko- Hope you continue to like the chapters.

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Captain Wolf Paw- I know I must have said it before, but I absolutely love your reviews. They're so,… uh, lively I guess. We'll put it this way, they always make me smile. So thank you, very much. I'll make chocolate cookies and better yet, I'll share. Hope you enjoyed!

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Videl621-I'm glad you liked the story and I hope you continue to.  
**Lady Icykimi- **I'm interested to see how I'll get them to fall in love myself. Of course, I've got the basic idea, and there will be someone else that forces them to be near one another, but the actual writing- the details and the dialogue and such,… I'm looking forward to writing it and I hope you enjoy it.

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faythimmortal- I'm sorry it was confusing. The way I see it though, it wouldn't be nearly so much fun if everything was straightforward. The purification will be explained next chapter, and I hope you enjoy the story in the meantime.

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Gopher2806- Not at all weird or stupid. There are a lot of people who found the chapter confusing. It was almost part of the goal for that chapter. The confusion, is essentially Kagome's. I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible, so the idea is that everything would come in stages, sometimes out of order, and that sense will have to be made of it later, when there is time to reflect and ponder. lol. I think I'm the weird one. Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter!

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Skitzoflame-All will be revealed… all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the wait. Please do!

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Lyn- I wrote more. Sorry it took so long. Hope you enjoyed!

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White Tiger Princess - I'm not going to leave you hanging on the purification thing. It was written to be confusing because it was confusing for Kagome as well.


	5. Ch 5 Coming Home

**Last time: **Sesshoumaru stood, and sneering, walked from his meal's broken body.

Dishonor

Ch. 5 Coming Home

Feeling his beast's satiated state, Sesshoumaru renewed his struggles to gain civil dominance. Chagrined at his most recent failure, Sesshoumaru curbed his ire, and allowed his damnable beast to have its way a little longer. Headed home at its full speed, Sesshoumaru's youkai was too far from its meal to see the earth flash.

ooooooOOOOOoooooo

Kagome peeked out of her sleeping bag at Sango and Miroku. They were in close proximity and she was delighted to see that the monk had managed to stay conscious. Content and warm, Kagome snuggled back against her kit and went to sleep, prepared for another day of shard hunting.

ooooooOOOOOoooooo

Kagome sat by the yellow flame in Kaede's thatch-roofed hut, and gazed after the embers as they were cast out into the cold air. Kaede-bachaan had listened quietly to the young miko's description of the most recent battle. She was concerned that Kagome's miko abilities, though strengthening, were becoming unstable.

"It would seem that yer body is unable to channel yer ki. If ye watch the river flow, ye will notice that the bank disappears and the river widens."

Kagome nodded, "erosion."

Kaede seemed to contemplate the foreign term.

"The water washes away the dirt as it flows," Kagome clarified.

Kaede nodded slowly. "Yer ki is channeled in yer body, like the water in a streambed. If ye had been trained, yer ki would move throughout all yer body harmlessly. It seems child, that yer ki is harming yer body in the same way a flood would overfill the streambed and rush over the fields, drowning the plants and washing them away."

Kagome shivered, recalling the crests and falls of her ki raging inside her head and the surging heat-

Kagome cried out as reminiscent fear awoke intense revival and she screamed as the holy burning consumed her.

ooooooOOOOOoooooo

There was darkness. No, not darkness, just an absence of light and warmth, of being. There was flowing white. Kagome watched it flicker and then, swaying, come closer. Not light, but substance, being. She strained to see and make sense, but suddenly understanding, seeing Him, she panicked.

"….Kagome…."

"NO! Get away from me!" Kagome struggled harder, hysterical at her inability to move in her bodiless state. She began to shake violently.

"Kagome…" there was hurt in vast darkness.

"Sesshoumaru, NO!"

Then there was a cool hand against her feverish skin. "Momma…," said Sesshoumaru's image.

"Momma?" In confusion, Kagome's eyes fluttered open, only to shut instantly against the blinding white. She groaned.

"Kagome?" The voice came soft, unsure, but known and welcome.

Kagome's eyes opened slightly, "… Yasha."

"Your safe now."

Kagome saw the promise and certainty, the honesty and the compassion that poured from Inu Yasha's golden orbs, and slept. Without dreams of shard hunts, or visits with Kaede or run-ins with Inu Yasha's brother, Kagome slept in peace.

ooooooOOOOOooooooo

Kagome found herself in the darkness again. This time however, there was substance, and she had a body. Looking around, Kagome spotted the white blur. This time she stood her ground and waited, oddly calm, for Sesshoumaru's arrival. The instant He appeared, Kagome was struck with the absence of the Western Lord's markings. The youkai who stood in front of her was in Sesshoumaru's image, but upon its face lay the embodiment of love, concern, and tender knowledge.

Kagome blinked, "Inu no Taisho?"

The youkai smiled, "no."

Hesitantly, Kagome tilted her head and posed her question. "who are you?"

"I have no name."

Kagome winced, a soft "oh" escaping her.

The youkai reached out as he reassured her. "Oh, I will have a name. I've just not been born yet." He said it eagerly, hut he flinched when Kagome leapt back from his outstretched hand, nearly falling in her unregistered panic.

With her heart pounding, and her hands shaking, Kagome hugged herself and said hoarsely, "don't touch me."

The youkai seemed to wither, and as the blackness lost its substance, Kagome lost her sight.

"Wait," Kagome cried. "I didn't mean to hurt you." Her voice came soft, "I'm sorry."

She slept.

ooooooOOOOOoooooo

When Kagome awoke, Souta was sitting at her bedside reading a comic.

Kagome grinned. "It's nice to see that you're concerned," she croaked.

Souta threw down the comic and stood up. "Was sup, Kags?" he asked, smiling down at her softly.

"Obviously a lot if I wake up at the hospital and can't remember getting there."

Souta frowned slightly.

Kagome paused. Slowly, she closed her eyes and consciously relaxed, taking deep breaths. Then, as gently as one might inspect a wounded knee, she tried to open herself to her body's physical state of health. She hurt. In her dreaming delirium had come the birth of hope, a hope that what had happened at the stream was just the product of her fever and her out-of-control ki. With the recognition of pain, she lost her desperate hope, and behind her mind's eye, she could see herself withdraw. First came the piercing heat and insatiable itch of the raw skin inside her. Then, simultaneously, she was hit with the pain in her thighs and back. Kagome put her hands at either side of her pelvis, flat on the bed, and pushed, trying to relieve the suffering of her poor back. Reaching the favored position tenderly, she opened her blue-gray orbs to Souta, "ow."

Then, gingerly, she transferred the weight from her hands to her rear and sat. Her face crumpled at the astronomical increase of insufferable pain, and as she lay back, she made a mental note not to sit; period.

When Kagome opened her eyes again, Souta was watching her guardedly. He gaze flicked quickly elsewhere, and momentarily returned.

"Momma thought Inu Yasha should go for a walk."

At Kagome's confused and pained expression, he elaborated. "-to calm down. He's been at your side the whole time, but he was getting pretty uptight. They'll be back soon. Or I can get a nurse if you want?"

The last two sentences tumbled from Souta's mouth, so that Kagome had to close her eyes and mentally repeat what he had said in order to comprehend the words' meaning.

Shaking her head slowly, Kagome opened her eyes and offered a wincing smile. "What were you reading?"

Souta blinked. "Oh! Uh, it's one of the new American comics. It's called Belzsac."

Kagome nodded again, slowly. "Is it any good?"

Rather than answering, Souta inched his way onto the hospital bed and lay down. Tilting his head back, Souta searched his big sister's face, "… are you okay, Kags? Really?"

Kagome lay on the bed, with her brother looking up at her, and wondered. "I don't know, Souta. I don't know." Despite her confusion, and the nauseating pain, Kagome's face lit up in a smile. She was home. She was loved. She was safe. "I'm good."

Inu Yasha stood outside the door, a wince settling on his features. He turned to Mrs. Higurashi. "Better not to tell her yet."

Mrs. Higurashi nodded and moved gently into the room.

Kagome looked around at the movement, and smiling, murmured "momma." She smiled. Everything was going to be okay.

Wow, that last sentence was awfully cliché, huh? Hee-hee, I updated. Score!

**Hewo!**

**Thank you to all my readers! and to these special reviewers!**

**DrWolves- **I promise not to leave you hanging. Sorry the update was so long in coming.

**Zadeon-** I updated… sorry it took so long!

**Kenshi-mimiroo-** yes, fluffy was mean. I'm going to try and keep him mean for a while yet, but I believe I'm going to have a hard time. Uh, it's not that Kagome's powers are weak, it's that I don't believe they should arise to save the day and then go back to being useless. There is a reason for everything that has happened… it's just a long wait to see what that reason may be.

**Zackire-** why thank you!

**KouseiJL- For anyone reading this response, I want you to know that I love this person! **Yay! Yah, it's definitely going to be hard for Kagome for a while. However, she will be truly happy at the end. Sesshoumaru did not come back, obviously. I considered it, but eventually came to the conclusion that the story wouldn't move in the direction I wanted it to if he came back. So yah. Thanks for the congrats on the lemon. I'll be updating again not so soon, so thanks for the encouragement on that end. Well, 'til next chapter- emerelddreams

**Your Crimson Death (Ice)-** I'm glad you loved my story! I hope you've continued to do so.

**Icedragon012990-** lol. I've never had anyone respond by saying 'wow' before. I kind of like it. Thank you.

**Hanasaki Rikku- **I definitely agree. Kagome should've just enjoyed Sesshoumaru. However, …. we'll get to that, won't we?

**CultKagome and Sesshoumaru-** I've read a couple of stories in which Sess rapes Kags, but the outcome was that Kagome ended up with Yasha. That is not happening. Period. Anyway, I love the Sess/Kag pair. Just trying for a new angle… I'm really glad you like it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Kjinuyasha-** thanks, I think… lol, I updated.

**Minkyo- **thanks for reviewing! I'm glad the story's dark too, though I'm having trouble keeping it that way. All will be revealed… eventually.

**Skitzoflame-** you better believe he left her there. Lol. He'll come around eventually.

**Kagamoesiun- **That's what. I'll update again to let you know what's happening. grin Thanks for the review!

**Shadow Kitsune67-** That was most definitely one of my longest reviews ever. Thank you! Yah, I definitely try to be grammatically correct. There are stories that have grammatical errors that I'll read, because there is obviously effort involved, and then there are stories in which the grammar is so pathetic, I can't read them. Point and case- I want to give my readers the best that I can. I do believe the saying is actually 'case and point,' lol. Oh! The moment you can't imagine the scenes anymore, flame me so I can get my act together. Until next chapter, emerelddreams.

**Zeddy200-** Thank you. Sorry I didn't update quickly!

**Sleepinghanyou- **awesome sn! I get such a cute image in my head! Anyway, it is sad, and probably will be for a while. All will be happy in the end though. Thanks for the review. Continue to enjoy!

**Lyn- **I'll keep writing. Please keep enjoying!

**Eternity Star Knight-** Definitely ouch. Yes Kagome can still use her powers. The rest you'll have to read about later. Hope you enjoy. I'll try to satisfy your curiosity soon.

Ja!


	6. Ch 6 Hated and Decidedly So

**Last time: **

Despite her confusion, and the nauseating pain, Kagome's face lit up in a smile. She was home. She was loved. She was safe. "I'm good."

Inu Yasha stood outside the door, a wince settling on his features. He turned to Mrs. Higurashi. "Better not to tell her yet."

Mrs. Higurashi nodded and moved gently into the room.

**Dishonor**

**Ch. 6**

**Hated and Deservedly So**

Shippou sat huddled beneath the overhang of an outlying hut in Kaede's village. His small form was barely noticeable against the red dirt he sat upon. Indeed, the kit's fur was so matted and dirty that he felt like soggy papier mache to the touch. His green bow had long since disappeared into the tangled, brown mess. Even the boy's clothes were hard to distinguish. He sat shivering, his sopping tail wrapped around his body so that only his eyes remained uncovered- and staring. The rain ran off the roof in a continual sheet, splattering the abandoned kit with mud he did not feel. He had neither moved nor eaten in nine days… nor spoken, nor cried.

Inu Yasha had woken them all that night. Inu Yasha had sent his mother out alone, and nearly four days later he had woken feral. He offered them no harm after growling so viciously as to awaken even the old miko, merely disappeared. They had worried then, but not overly so, knowing that he held Tetsaiga within his grasp. When he returned on the dawn of the third day, alone, without the fang, and smelling of tears, the kit's heart had broke. His mother had been dying.

oooooooooooooo

Ms. Higurashi leaned over her daughter's upturned face and, chin quivering, smiled. She cupped her daughter's cheek in her hand and kissed her on the nose. Kagome bit her lip at the action, her face crumpling as she recalled the soothing gesture.

After her father's car accident, six year old Kagome had woken with nightmares for weeks on end, and each night the young girl had woken to her mother's touch, smile, and a kiss on the nose.

Ms. Higurashi sat beside her daughter in the little niche her son had just vacated. "We were worried about you." She stroked her daughter's cheek, purposefully training her mind on the simple task. It would do her daughter no good to see her cry.

Kagome stayed very still, brutally aware of her body. "How did I get here?"

Ms. Higurashi answered softly, her voice uncertain, "you brought yourself home. There was an awful sound, like lightning when it strikes nearby, and a blinding flash. You appeared beneath the Goshinboku, surrounded in your power. By the time I reached you the glow was gone. I hadn't yet kneeled at your side before Inu Yasha came up out of the well and was sprinting towards you. He had us both in the air before I could call out to Souta for help. The paramedics were taking you from us even as I realized Inu Yasha had brought us to the hospital. You stayed in a coma for two days, woke momentarily during the 46th hour of your treatment, and then slept in delirium for almost a week. This is the ninth day of your stay, marked from the end of your coma."

"The ninth day of my stay…?"

Ms. Higurashi looked at her daughter's face, unable to forget the sight of her daughter's broken body. "Yes, my dearest. This time you will not be able to return to hunt for shards."

Kagome's body reacted with a jerk, and she promptly cried out in angony. With tears standing in her eyes she pleaded, "it's not Yasha's fault Momma! He'll take care of me." Her voice rose in pitch, even as her mother shook her head, "I have to go back! I- I have to!"

And then she was sobbing.

Inu Yasha watched silently from the doorway, his face completely blank. Then, for the first time, he left Kagome without any intention of coming back.

**This is an intro/part one type deal. It's to get me going again… hopefully. ; **

**Look for part two in a couple days. Thanks for staying with me!**


	7. Chapter 6 Part 2 Hated and Decidedly So

**Last Time: **

Inu Yasha watched silently from the doorway, his face completely blank. Then, for the first time, he left Kagome without any intention of coming back.

**Dishonor**

**Ch. 6 Part 2**

**Hated and Deservedly So**

Inu Yasha leapt from the still glowing depths of the Bones Eater Well, alighted on the ground, and was promptly met by a pair of haunted eyes set into the hardly recognizable body of a young kitsune.

For a moment Inu Yasha said nothing, then he picked the child up and walked towards the Goshinboku tree. He sat down cross-legged at the tree's base, still cradling the kit in his arms. Voice horse, Inu Yasha said the only thing he could, "she's alive, Shippou. She's alive."

Shippou looked up at Inu Yasha balefully.

Inu Yasha looked away. "She's not coming back, runt."

Shippou sniffled and Inu Yasha, startled, returned his gaze to the young kitsune. Unable to bare the sight of tears, Inu Yasha pulled the kit closer. "Don't be a baby. You'll see her again."

Shippou choked on a sob. "Ka-Ka-Kagome!"

The kit's proclamation ended in a screeching wail and Inu Yasha's ears flattened to his skull.

"Shippou! You'll see her again. You hear me? You're a youkai. You will see Kagome again."

The last statement was uttered so forcefully that Shippou abruptly swallowed and fell silent.

Inu Yasha eyed the young kit critically. "Sleep, runt."

Shippou looked for a moment as if he was going to start kicking and screaming, but Inu Yasha just shook his head and fondly told him to shut up.

And surprisingly, the kit did just that. After a few moments Inu Yasha could hear the kit's deep breathing; he sighed and looked up at the cloud filled sky.

The rain continued to fall.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooo

Rage flickered unchecked across a young face as a thunderous crash echoed through conspicuously empty halls. Sharp nails gouged ragged trails through a once immaculate desk.

"My Lord?"

Silence answered Keimaru's entrance, but he paid it no mind. "The scroll has been moved to your library as ordered. Is there anything else, my Lord?"

There was no reply- as expected. The wise youkai kept silent as he respectfully bowed and left his rather pissed Lord's presence.

Once in the halls, Keimaru looked back towards Lord Sesshoumaru's chambers with a frown. He paused for no more than a moment though, walking away in deep thought.

Sesshoumaru growled as his general left the west wing.

'Damn the girl. Damn that mongrel half-breed. Damn it.'

With calculated vengeance, Sesshoumaru removed his claws from the wood of his desk and with hatred filled eyes, dug them into his palms. He watched his blood bubble up around his claws.

Never before had he been filled with such loathing. Never before had he acted so shamefully. Not in over 600 years had he so completely lost control.

'Damn… me.'

oooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

'I'm damned… I do nothing but cause trouble and hurt others. I am a burden. I am no more than a cast out whore. He hates me… Inu Yasha hates me. I hate me. …I am a disappointment. I'm a failure. I am weak, ugly, insignificant… I'm damned, and I deserve everything I get.'

oooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

'I should have been there. I should have _been _there. I failed. I failed her. Kami she must hate me! Kuso! I'm worthless. Everyone I've ever loved has died because of me… mother… Kikyo… Kagome… I'm sorry.'

oooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

'Momma! Momma… I should have gone with you. I should have protected you. Momma, it's all my fault! I- I- I failed to protect you, but I promise: I'm going to be the strongest youkai ever, and I'm going to find you, and I'm never going to let anything hurt you again.'

oooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"…Miroku?"

The tired monk looked up from the dwindling fire in front of him. "Yes, Sango?"

The troubled exterminator met his eyes, "were we wrong… letting Kagome go on out on her own? I can't help, but think-"

"Sango. We could not have known she would come to harm." The monk set another branch ablaze and moved around to where the woman he loved sat huddled against a wall.

"But we did know! We all knew she couldn't defend herself. Miroku… " A sob escaped and her face contorted, but she struggled through her words. "Miroku, we knew that her abilities were out of control. Even Shippou saw that Kagome was hurting herself. She needed training. Kaede-baachan said- said that her ki was- was hurting her. Kagome felt that pain because of us. We never gave her the chance to train, to study. It's our fault that she was so defenseless. We abandoned her! I failed her!" Sango's anguished cry bit into him.

"No, Sango. Do not blame yourself. We are all to blame, but Sango, she needed that time on her own. She had lost control of her powers, yes, but she never had control of them in the first place. We never let her protect herself, never allowed her the comfort of knowing she could help herself. We owed her more than we ever gave. It's our fault that she got hurt, but not because we weren't there. It's our fault because we crippled her abilities. Subconsciously she expected us to be there, to save her. Know at least, that she will not have that pain anymore. She will never again know the pain of being let down by friends."

Outside the hut the rain was falling harder. Inside, a monk and an exterminator were left to their own thoughts of blame and hate.

**Well how was that for depressing? Don't worry though, just about everyone gets a grip next chapter.**

**Special thanks to all those who reviewed Ch. 5 and Ch. 6 Part One! I'll thank you all personally next Ch. sweat drop 'cause at the moment, I can't figure out where I saved those emails… anyways, I'm special. **

'**til next chapter then, ja!**


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